Disney Archives - A Little Bit of Personality

The Four Types of Love

Calise Sellers — Fri, 05 May 2017 00:01:27 +0000

“What is love?” is a question that has been asked throughout the ages, by philosophers, poets, and Haddaway–insert obligatory head tip here. While that is a perfectly valid question, and you guys know how heart-eyes we are for proper definitions around here, I think instead today we’ll ask the ever so aLBoP question, “How can we use double-dichotomies and the Four Types of Information to better understand love?” Because dichotomies are sexy, dontcha know?

Conveniently, the Greeks had four main words for love. Now, my intent is to use the Four Types of Information to help us break down love into component parts, to both understand it more fully, define it more accurately, and help us apply these four sides of love to our own lives and relationships in order to see where our relationships are succeeding, and where they might stand to improve. As such, I might have to alter the definitions of the Greek terms somewhat from their originals.

The Four Types of Information are fundamentally equal, whereas it wasn’t the Greeks’ intent to make their four kinds of love equal, so it stands to me to fudge a bit. But hopefully I can still do justice to what Plato, Aristotle, etc. meant by their terms.

Now this post will rely on information found in Super Simple Part 1 about the Four Types of Information (aka 4Toi), and on Type Specializations about Scope and Objective. (And of course we go into more depth on Phase 2 and there will be Super Simple posts on Scope and Objective at some point.)

But a quick recap…

The 4Toi are:

Letters	IP – Introverted Perceiving	IJ – Introverted Judging	EJ – Extraverted Judging	EP – Extraverted Perceiving
Double-dichotomy	Specific Information	Universal Information	Specific Action	Universal Action
Type of Information	Data & Details	Principles & Trends	Action & Consequences	Observation & Motivations
Scope	Situations and Objects	World and Trends	Group and Experiences	Individuals and Reactions
Usual matching Objective	NT	NF	ST	SF

Now depending on how much aLBoP you’ve read, including Phase 2, some of this might be more or less familiar to you. One concept that I intend to explain in more depth with Volume 2 of Super Simple, is that Objective usually lines up neatly with the 4Toi as much as Scope does (bottom line of this chart), as:

IP = NT

IJ = NF

EJ = ST

EP = SF

Which makes INTP, INFJ, ESTJ and ESFP the “corners” most of the time, like in this graph from Type Specializations:That just means that those four types are the most specialized by those types of information, which isn’t a good or a bad thing, it’s just a them thing lol.

However, in looking at the Double-dichotomy by which we’re going to break love down into segments, it seems the corners do not stay the same. This actually happens when we apply the 4Toi to lots of categories, but I haven’t talked about many of them on the main site yet. One example though, is Optimism, Pessimism and What We Do About It.

Sometimes different variables other than Scope even form the 4Toi corners! I had a post I wrote for the pre-Wordpress forum that was all about types and approach to style/fashion/appearance, etc. (Don’t worry, it’ll make its way to the main site once we release Facial Typing on the main site, since it was chock-full of real life examples… please don’t ask me how soon that will be though lol. It will be sooner if everyone plays nice on the main site ) Anyway, the placement of the types in that graph ended up very oddly placed (with reasons behind them!) with variables including “FJs” and “ST for Judging half of the cognition process” which makes it look super wonky.

Long story short, as I went to determine what the four lurve corners should be, I wasn’t too shocked to discover they weren’t the typical corners.

And actually, they line up by Objective first, which shouldn’t be too surprising considering our approaches to Love are all about desire and what we want to get out of relationships.

And so a quick recap of the four Objectives:

Letters	NT – iNtuitive Thinking	NF – iNtuitive Feeling	ST – Sensing Thinking	SF – Sensing Feeling
Double-dichotomy	Use of Concepts	Meaning of Concepts	Use of Experiences	Meaning of Experiences
Objective	Expectable – Potential Use of What Could Be	Edifying – Potential Meaning of What Could Be	Practical – Protective Use of What Is	Enjoyable – Protective Meaning of What Is
Tends to think in…	Truth and Error	Justice and Mercy	Right and Wrong	Pleasure and Pain
Usual matching Toi	Data & Details	Principles & Trends	Action & Consequences	Observation & Motivations

Can I just get the stupid out of the way and talk about how annoying it is that many would assert that “Thinking” had nothing to do with love?!?! Or, equally bothersome to me, they might imply that Thinking would make for the most “rational, non-subjective” forms of love, while Feeling would give you the most twitterpated “irrational” ones. I declare bovine feces!

We have too many posts about that already, but I can’t talk about love and feelings without at least a brief mention that any type can have a good or bad relationship with their emotions, and that’s not what makes someone F or T. Sorry to the regulars who hear that rant too often.

And while types are more likely to approach love according to their combination of these, that doesn’t mean any type, including the corners, need be unbalanced between the four types of love, and it also doesn’t mean that someone can’t lean unhealthily towards a type of love that isn’t their home type. In fact, Type Angsts often make us feel like we need to prove competence in our weaker Toi.

There is danger in trying to prove anything with a relationship, be it that your home-type of love is superior, or that you can excel at types of love that you’ve been criticized about. Love is too important to be a megaphone for any soapbox or vendetta. Talk about a waste of human interaction and a quick way to cheapen something that might have actually ended up being worthwhile.

So yes, ideally I think, a relationship of any kind, be it friends, family or romantic, will be able to find ways to apply all four types of love, although obviously in different forms. While parent-child relationships shouldn’t have “Éros” in the traditional Greek sense (let’s not be Oedipus Greek, heh), I think they can have it as the type of love I describe below (which again, makes it much more equal and balanced… so there ).

Okay, after all that disclaimer-age, let’s talk about the double-dichotomy that defines the Four Types of Love Yay!

Protection vs. Growth – S vs. N

As usual, Sensing and experience are one and the same, and S is all about protecting what already exists, what is already possessed; what is. And also as per usual, iNtuition is concept, the discovery, growth into, and addition of what could potentially be; what might be.

So, when it comes to love, the two S types of love center around protecting the love and relationships you already have, as well as making those relationships a safe haven where the individuals included feel protected.

And the two N types of love center around getting more and more out of a relationship, pushing and stretching relationships to new heights. They also tend to focus more on how much excitement is happening within a relationship, as excitement is typically about newness and growth within a relationship.

Now we’ll get into later why the assertion that either of these is more important than the other is just dangerous and dumb.

Also, like all N things, the N types of Love focus on how things are connected in concept, so how the members of the relationship are either conceptually similar, or different. While S things, including the S types of Love, focus on where the pieces fit with the rest of the world as it stands. So the S types of Love focus on how the relationship gives its members a place in the wide world experienced.

Use vs. Meaning – T vs. F

As always on aLBoP, Thinking is all about the usefulness of things, and love is no exception. The two T types of love focus on what love can bring to the table for the benefit of all involved. And with Feeling, as always on aLBoP being about the meaning of things, the two F types of love focus on the intrinsic worth of love in its own right, the happiness it brings with no need of additional benefit.

I found it fascinating and fitting, also, to notice that the F types of Love are the kinds you “fall into;” that grasp you up, take you by surprise, and just feel very natural. T types of Love, in contrast, take joy from being a decision. T Loves desire to decide where, when, and how they’re going to love. When I was discussing this dynamic with Justin, he said profoundly, “Pikachu, I choose you!” -_- Uh, sure. Like that.

Now that we know our dichotomies, we can see how they fit together to form four distinctive sides and approaches to love, and we can examine in detail how they are each essential when used correctly, narrow without access to all the others, and treacherous when twisted. For the record, I decided to go alphabetical with these, so that’s where the order comes from, no ranking or anything.

Agápe – Meaning Love
Objective: NF – Corner: ENFP – Element: Air

Lifting the participants above the dimness of empty mediocrity, Agápe is the song of archetype, the thrill of being a part of something larger than yourself, a fairy tale worth telling. It is the embodiment of ENFP’s Type Specialization: the significance of individuals in the context of all time. It cares deeply about the worth of each member, their individual, intrinsic meaning, as well as the sum of both parts.

As such, Agápe tends to focus less on things like appearance, focusing instead on the excitement of relating over topics that are meaningful to both parties; shared views, shared hopes and dreams, and jokes and experiences shared together. All about finding conceptual similarities and connections, Agápe enjoys the question, “how can we make life more meaningful together than apart?”

It includes the amazement that someone could care so much about little-old-you, and the feeling of adoration (hopefully for both of you) of putting the other person on a pedestal, because they’re just so gosh darn amazing! Agápe includes “puppy love,” but it also motivates staying up with your best friend squeeing all night, or getting overwhelmed holding your newborn for the first time. It’s fitting to me that Agápe without the accent is “agape,” because that’s how Agápe love makes you feel, mouth agape in wonder because the love you feel for someone else is just incredulously amazing.

As NF love, Agápe is about the joy of ever improving the meaning of your love, uncontent with stagnation. As such, true Agápe never loses the giddy pleasure of initial love, because it’s always renewing its purpose, finding new ways to grow closer and new things to connect and relate over. The heart of Agápe’s strength comes from communication. Being able to open up to each other, whole souls, and be desired for that consistent, forever being that you are; what could bring more excitement than that?

I think a poor handling of Agápe tends to come from an oversimplification of the motives behind it–surprise, surprise, EP is a valid Toi ;)! When people in “adult” positions poo-poo relationships as childish and over excited, they miss what makes the often young participants want this sort of relationship. It isn’t just the rush of emotion, which stern onlookers may deem fleeting. And tbh, if a relationship is based on only this type of love, it certainly will be. But it’s the excitement of having something precious, something that matters, which makes Agápe a thrill.

But when Agápe does grow dangerous, is when its meaning grows exhibitionist and competitive. Unhealthy Agápe feels the need to show not only how meaningful it is, but how much more meaningful it is than other individuals, relationships, worldviews, etc. It feels the need to advertise its “love for the ages” or even proclaim that “no one else has ever felt meaning and feelings so powerful!” This sort of relationship advertising suddenly subverts Agápe’s very power, taking away the emphasis on the intrinsic meaning of the relationship, and making it all about comparison and show. In turn, this leads to shallow, cotton-candy relationships, which may be saccharinely sweet on the outside, but lack the substance required to produce long-term satisfaction.

At their most severe, these relationships that subvert Agápe end up producing meaning-competition between their own members. Because as soon as a relationship’s purpose is to bolster the apparent meaning of the participants, then the connection becomes a matter of individual ego, which can quickly be turned into which individual in the relationship is more meaningful.

You find this often within “soft rocker” relationships, a term we use based on this song by Jonathan Coulton. I love how painfully incisive that song is, as ISTP Jonathan Coulton seemed disgruntled by the trend of “nice guys” who use tactics like sensitivity and, honestly, weakness, as ways to get people to treat them like they’re more meaningful than others, to slowly manipulate people to do what they want, and to look caring while honestly having no respect for anyone. Often with an unhealthy helping of bad Storge, luring people in with the promise of “I’m so safe, unlike those other guys,” Soft Rocking uses competitive meaning to say, “if I can appear nice, then it doesn’t matter what my motives are.”

Another common symptom of these unhealthy Agápe meaning-advertising relationships, is in the pursuit of not only having a relationship become as meaningful as it can be, but to have a relationship that is more meaningful than others’, it is easy to find more meaning elsewhere. Without enough of the other Types of Love to ground you, the wind can easily whisk you away to greener pastures, with the thrill of newness having an enticing meaning all its own. While not always a side effect of unhealthy Agápe, it’s a wonder to me how often “loves for the ages” end up being broken up by Agápe-ish claims of “you just don’t understand me like he does,” “but I forgot how strong my feelings were for her,” or “but I think she’s actually my soul mate.”

But without Agápe, love can’t breathe. Agápe gives hope to love and lives, makes the sun shine brighter and the heart sing louder. Agápe makes us feel loved for the person we’re trying to be. Without Agápe, the other types of love feel tied down and restricted, like you can never really hope for anything more than the here-and-now of your relationship.

In short, Agápe is the wind in the wings of love, that when healthy helps you soar, and when unhealthy makes you feel like a tumbleweed.

Éros – Passion Love
Objective: NT – Corner: ENTJ – Element: Fire

Like dancing flames, Éros is the excitement of the tug of wills; intelligences grasping at one another, the shock of an entity outside yourself. Whether it’s the thrill of being grabbed up into a surprise kiss, the blush produced by that friend who knows exactly how to tease you, or the joy of seeing your toddler get a mind of her own and give you sass, Éros finds passion through two independent desires interacting.

While a lot of the classical meaning of sexual passion would be included in this NT Éros, that is by no means all that Passion Love is. Sex may be pursued through any or all of these four approaches to love. And Éros is the push and pull of strengths that, while often associated with the collide of two bodies, certainly isn’t limited to that.

With ENTJ being the Éros, Passion Love corner, we can see that it’s the collision of NT Expectable, and EJ Action and Consequences, as Éros is in so many ways the physics of love. “If I move this way, what happens? If I push here, let go here…?”

Whereas Agápe is all about finding conceptual similarities, Éros instead finds joy and humor in conceptual differences and contrasts; small and large, different shapes, masculine and feminine, muted and bright, leather and lace, old-fashioned and modern, sarcastic and serious, etc. etc. They say “opposites attract,” but in truth, I think, that isn’t a hard and fast rule so much as a reflection that contrast and enjoying having differences is a necessary part of healthy relationships, one that demonstrates the appreciation that the other person is a whole *person* outside of you! ? That they have their own desires and thoughts and ideas, which can be excitingly foreign from your own thoughts. A major purpose of aLBoP is sharing joy over the fact that not everyone thinks just like you do, and that that is a good, exciting thing!

One thing I love about interacting with Justin is that, after over 9 years of marriage, his humor still surprises me. NT intelligence specializes in being able to predict what to expect (with ENTP specifically predicting reactions), so it makes sense that NT love would be particularly excited by not knowing what to expect. I love how Justin, in his high-contrast of cloaked seriousness and seemingly random bursts of snarky color and silliness, never ceases to catch me off-guard. And for someone who spends their life and mind-power predicting how people are going to react, being surprised is really exciting for me, and frankly pretty sexy.

The combination of future-aimed NT and swift-moving EJ, Éros is the most in-motion type of love, which brings a great deal of its passionate thrill. And yet, with that comes the danger of things tumbling out of control. In Avatar: The Last Airbender (tv show, tv show, tv show, not movie ?), the rather jaded firebending master Jeong Jeong puts it this way, “Water is cool and soothing, earth is steady and stable, but fire, fire is alive. It breathes, it grows. …[A] rock will not throw itself. But fire will spread and destroy everything in its path if one does not have the will to control it!” And the same applies to Éros; while it brings great life and color to relationships, as the Love of passion it can quickly spin out of control and burn those in its path.

At its most dangerous, Éros becomes the subversion of its own pursuit, attempting to undermine the very human wills that made it exciting in the first place. And that really seems to be at the core of the disaster whenever Éros breaks: not viewing the other will as as valid as one’s own.

Whether it’s a tawdry one night stand, the oppressiveness of a parent who claims “my way or the highway,” or in the most extreme cases, rape or other forms of physical or sexual abuse, Éros breaks as soon as at least one member of the relationship views the other’s will, or tries to force it, to be subservient to their own. The reason we call empty physical relationships “cheap” in the first place, is because they try and get the benefits of other human beings without actually sacrificing anything to being vulnerable to the intelligence of another person.

True, healthy Éros enjoys the trust placed in someone else as much as it enjoys the trust someone places in you. In fact, I believe the motives behind the subversions of Éros usually come back to fear of Éros itself! While other wills are exciting, they are also scary because they’re out of your control, which is the heart of vulnerability itself. Healthy, fulfilling Éros requires a degree of surrender on the part of both parties.

Because just like everything with EJ Action, when you’re interacting with a world and wills outside your own, you can control what you put in, but not what you get out. You can choose what to do with your will, but you can’t control if someone else is going to want what you want, want to do what you want to do, care the way you care… or care way more than you do. For better or for worse, playing with multiple, powerful intelligences is playing with live dynamite, although it might be the most worthwhile gamble you might ever take.

Because on the other hand, without Éros, relationships become cold, lacking the color, life and vigor they need to have power. Éros is the warm firelight of contrast that sharpens relationships through heightened light and shadows, both parties given the excitement of surprise by the other’s own free will. Without Éros’s push-and-pull of passion, the other types of love feel bland and under-spiced; without spark.

So Éros is the fiery burn of two wills doing their own unique dance, playing off each other like light and dark which, when healthy, brings surprise and excitement and passionate closeness, but when unhealthy burns like wildfire, consuming the very wills it was intended to love.

Philia – Dedication Love
Objective: ST – Corner: ISTJ – Element: Earth

I feel like I can stick fairly closely with the original Greek definition on this one, just because I really love it, as I understand it.

The bedrock of enduring relationships, steady and dependable as the earth beneath your feet, Philia is about nourishing your relationships as they’re planted, dedicated to the role that love has promised. Defining the greatest, most legendary friendships of the ages, Philia is the love of most conscious choice. While family is something that initially happens to you, the dedication of friendship is something you must choose for yourself. Who will be there with you through rain and snow, heartache and loss? Who will you stand by when all lights go out? Philia is the Love of endurance, of good faith and strength through long nights.

An essential, lost art in many families, where love is taken as granted (see the bad version of Storge, below), or in relationships where the excitement of the N Loves sweep people up in the glittery and new, Philia is often undermined as stale and close-minded. But I think that overlooks the powerful, inherent meaning and archetype demonstrated through the choice of intentional love.

Whereas the other types of love are more likely to be keen on outward demonstrations of love and often more showy displays of affection and commitment, in word, deed or intimacy, Philia is the type of love that knows that if sacrifice doesn’t really pinch, it’s not really sacrifice. Philia is there without reward, without need of honors or high praises. Philia is dedicated to the continual establishment of a safe and secure place for its members, providing a lasting, unyielding foundation.

The love that drives a young mother to be there for her little ones through long, thankless nights; the drive of a man-at-arms to be there for his captain; the quiet endurance of the spouse who stays even when their loved one’s mind doesn’t remember as it once did, or of the grown-up child who holds their parent’s hand as they slowly slip away; all these demonstrate Philia’s profound romance of solid, grounded, determination to choose love over and over again. Philia is centered around the roles that its members play, as enduring archetypes: the father, the sister, the wife, the teacher, the protector, the best friend. Philia takes these roles and makes them pledges, filled with honor and faithfulness.

The combination of ST’s practicality, working with the resources it already has, and IJ’s unending trends, Philia is the love of appreciating what you have, maintaining it with the attitude that you only have one of that relationship, so you better keep it polished, honed and protected like a diamond.

But as is always a danger when trying to protect what is already there, the dedication to what once was can often overlook the current state of what’s missing, and what might be. When it becomes narrow and unhealthy, Philia forgets that the relationship protected must live up to its original meaning, not just be an empty Principle of what it woulda/coulda/shoulda been. While Philia should stand firm against the flightiness of abandoning relationships as soon as they prove challenging, it needs to repeatedly check in and determine if the relationship is fulfilling its original intent.

When relationships rely overly on Philia to get them through, lives feel empty, people get needlessly hurt, and resentment builds. Resentment is an emotion borne of disappointment, but shoved down until its owner feels torn and despises the source of the disappointment. Philia turns into this unhealthy alternative when, instead of asking the relationship to grow into the other types of love, love becomes just an obligated shadow of its former self, relying on fear of what would happen if dedication was abandoned, as opposed to being able to enjoy the relationship for its own sake anymore. Disappointment in a relationship needs to be properly looked at, or feelings of resentment will grow and sour love into a hollow chore, going through the motions.

Otherwise, unhealthy Philia ends up glaring at the very people it sought to protect. Thoroughly disappointed in how the relationship isn’t fulfilling the meaning it hoped to have, but also without hope of anything changing, Philia grows cynical, rote, and despising. It produces a pessimistic belief that “this is as good as things are ever going to get, so why even try to change them?” which in turn attacks the relationship itself, as an outlet, punishing the source of hopelessness, because “what point is there in trying to change anything?”

This pessimism leads not only to the resentment of one’s own relationship, but to the resentment of others’ relationships, placing a rigid, rooted limit on the height relationships in general are allowed to attain. Because disappointed pessimism about one’s own relationship easily leads to an assertion that others shouldn’t be happy or feel fulfilled within their relationships either, usually implying either that others’ happiness is fleeting, shallow and destined to fail, or unmerited, and undeserved. This jealous, unhealthy Philia can even lead to attempts, verbal or otherwise, to tear down others’ relationships in an effort to tamp down the awareness that other relationships are being more fulfilling than one’s own.

People often lean toward Philia because the consequences of doing so look less dire on the surface. In an attempt to protect from the “flighty” extreme of Agápe, the runaway heat of Éros, or even the tumbling waterfall effect of Storge, it’s common to hide in this unhealthy extreme of Philia, deeming its negative effects less impactful than that of the others. But that attitude overlooks how empty, tired, despondent, hopeless, and alone residents of bad Philia can end up feeling, dedicated to a path that feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, living with no real purpose, just life for the dedication of it.

This grinding sort of Philia ends up subverting its own purpose, of choosing love, by dismissing its ability to chose love as a forgone conclusion, dangerously planting its feet and saying, “I will stand here, no matter what,” without even daring to consider if that’s the best choice or not. Even when Philia is difficult, even when it takes sacrifice and painful choices, its power comes from choice renewed.

Philia must be an ever-renewal of Principled purpose to bring joy and be effective. Whether that purpose is the nurturing and protection of the other member of the relationship, or the protection of your own little kingdom of love and safety, or other reasons entirely, Philia draws its strength from deliberate resolve, understanding *why* it’s planting its feet.

Because when done correctly, Philia gives unmatched strength and stability to relationships. Pylons of stone, healthy Philia gives a wise and understanding core to its tenants that makes their unification merrily unbreakable. Without Philia, the other types of love feel flimsy, cheap, and ill-defined, lacking the fiber to weather life’s bumps and hurricanes, and without the enduring peace and sanctuary that Philia keeps within its unaffected walls.

Philia is the love most determined and planted, its unyielding boulders unmoved by time or travail, which can either protect and provide a foundation for enduring love, or can stubbornly stop a relationship from rolling forward to its purpose.

Storge – Safety Love
Objective: SF – Corner: ISFP – Element: Water

As constant and reliable as the tides on the shore, Storge is the promise of safety, calm, and belonging. Like the path of a stream, winding its way around obstacles and settling comfortably into every crevice, Storge is the most natural, unplanned type of Love, taking joy at a love totally unforced.

The combination of IP moments and SF enjoyment, Storge sits as the comfy corner, embracing people as they are. While the ancient meaning implied people you “have to” love, and that meaning does fall within Storge’s borders, this definition of Storge is far more about a love you “can’t help” but have.

Whether it’s high school sweethearts who have always been there for one another, that friend’s house where you always have a place to crash and a fridge you can stick your head in, or your parents who will always take you back no matter how prodigal you are, Storge tells the recipient, “You don’t have to exert yourself, or change; you have a place here no matter what.” Storge knows who you are, where you’ve been, and helps you feel like you belong for all your quirks.

There’s a verse in the song “Such Great Heights” by The Postal Service, co-written by ISFP Ben Gibbard, that says, “I’m thinking it’s a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images, and when we kiss they’re perfectly aligned. I have to speculate that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the clay” (actually, I thought it was “puzzle pieces from on high” until I looked up the lyrics just now, but “from the clay” is pretty too). I love that very ISFP sentiment; you and I fit together like the most perfect, comfortable match ever, clicking together so everything fits in harmony.

Storge is the love of peace, being a tender oasis of safety from the past, the future, pains and bad memories, where its members can be in the moment and heal through feeling thoroughly cherished. In a world where it’s hard to find anyone without so much painful baggage, where it’s hard to find anyone who doesn’t feel broken in some way, we all need the soothing balm of Storge to tell us that there’s still pockets of safety in the world, still people who want us when we don’t feel put together, and still someone to put their arms around us and tell us that despite how dark things can sometimes seem, there’s still love and support to get us through it.

But Storge’s ultimate desire for safety and comfort can end up actually undermining the needs of its protectorates. When Storge grows unhealthy, it can take two very different forms, which can sometimes overlap.

The first form of unhealthy Storge is like a stream that has set its course and refuses to deviate, demanding calm and composure of its participants, treating peace as if it’s something that comes only from not ruffling feathers. This kind of unhealthy Storge often goes to the point of acting like legitimate problems that members of the relationship have get in the way of the safe atmosphere if brought up, so issues go unaddressed and un-dealt with, everyone just pretending that things are okay, as if that actually makes them so. It often takes love for granted, assuming that because things have been in a repetitive rhythm for so long, surely everyone knows where they stand, not realizing that just because things fall into places, doesn’t mean they fell into the right places, just by chance. Just because a relationship’s monsters lie beneath the surface of a calm lake doesn’t mean they aren’t there, waiting and lurking. Likewise, emotions shoved to the side for the sake of a “happy home” or relationship, lie ready to break the seemingly calm surface tension when least expected.

This form of unhealthy Storge, while it may seem to provide a tranquil atmosphere for its members, actually undermines the very safety it provides, by making members feel like if they feel things outside the relationship’s given parameters, they’ll irreparably break the relationship’s status quo, so they better just pretend like everything’s okay. When people feel unable to open up about their worries, angers, anxieties, joys, and frustrations, for fear of rocking the boat, they can’t truly feel safe, no matter how good the facade created.

The other form unhealthy Storge most often takes is like a gushing waterfall of love, needing and smothering oppressively, so that neither member of a relationship can truly breathe. When Storge’s sweet and ardent desire to cling and find safety together turns sour, often one member treats the other like the air they need to breathe, hanging on to the other like they’re drowning, pulling them down like a siren into the deeps.

When a relationship defines safety by the time spent together, and refuses to find peace and comfort outside of each other, unhealthy symbiotic relationships form. #Badsigns include members of a relationship insisting that they’re only happy when they’re together, or that it physically hurts when they’re apart, worrying or growing jealous when one member of the relationship spends time with anyone outside of the relationship, guilting in order to get praise or to get the other person to do what makes them feel safe, or even insistence that death or suicide is imminent if the other person was to leave.

But when one person requires the subjugation of another’s will in order to feel safe… a) that’s not true safety, and the smotherer will never truly feel the peace and security they claim the other person provides for them, and b) the Éros of the other person having the right to their own will is totally lost, their will becoming just a means to the end of the first’s comfort, which must break or explode at some point.

Both of these unhealthy forms of Storge, while they can start from sweet intentions, can end up dangerously controlling and manipulative when they become twisted, forcing others to adhere to one version of “safety,” while making them feel anything but.

Storge is subverted into something truly ugly when it uses everything that once felt like a sanctuary of being known, into ways to needle and twist everything to its own comfortable advantage. No tidbit of the past, no like or dislike, or known insecurity, is safe when twisted Storge is being used to extract revenge on members of its own relationship, forcing them to get back under the water or be cast out in shame. Usually this ultimately ugly version of Storge combines the worst of both the unhealthy versions, taking all the “let’s pretend it’s okay” from the first form, and the “love me or I’ll die” from the second form, and uses everything about the relationship as a compilation of tactics to grasp whatever it wants, willing to take the relationship over the waterfall’s cliff with it, if necessary, all in the name of security and keeping the relationship within one’s own comfy control.

But without healthy Storge, love feels scary, unprotected and unsettled, nomadic and discordant. Storge is the life preserver of its members, giving buoyancy to the heavy heart and a safe harbor to its members from the tireless storm outside. (I’m having a little too much fun with these water metaphors, did you notice? Interestingly they seem much easier to produce in great abundance than air, fire or earth analogies. ) Healthy Storge provides a lighthouse that is always waiting for you, wanting you for who you are, and saying “Welcome home.”

In short, Storge is the love of utmost comfort, which when healthy provides smooth and happy sailing, and a peaceful cove of your very own, and when unhealthy threatens to drag you down with its heavy, clinging arms, into its very depths.

(Darn, I should have used a mermaid metaphor somewhere! Don’t know where, but pretend there’s a mermaid somewhere, okay? Mermaids are the bestest.)

So there, we have the Four Types of Love, in their effulgent splendor when healthy, and in their soul-ripping terror when unhealthy.

I find that most over-leaning into a Type of Love comes from pendulum swinging away from Type(s) of Love we’ve been burned by in our pasts, ways we’ve been hurt, scared, invalidated, or left alone in our lives. When you’ve been hurt by Agápe, Philia, Storge or Éros in the past, it’s hard to get back on the bike. But my hope is that, in seeing how the healthy versions of each Type of Love are so unmistakably different from their twisted counterparts, you’ll be able to shoot for the good of each in all your relationships, while simultaneously acknowledging that the bad that hurt you was not okay.

And while it isn’t always the case that we overcompensate into the Type of Love opposite from the one we’re avoiding (opposite meaning opposite Objective/Corners–so Agápe being the opposite of Philia and Éros being the opposite of Storge), it is common. And it is usually helpful, when we’re leaning too far into one Type of Love, to work on understanding its opposite in order to regain balance.

Justin and I like to joke about the two extremes in Japanese culture and how utterly ISTJ vs ENFP they are, with the “honor, zen, dedication and precision” on the ancient, ISTJ extreme, and the “OMG Kawaii!!!!!!!!!!” anime culture on the ENFP extreme, which seems to have risen up in direct response to the first culture. I think these examples perfectly sum up the attitudes behind Philia/Dedication love and Agape/Meaning love, and can benefit in a similar way from the appreciation of the other.

Those who lean toward Philia can end up treating Agápe as childish and silly, and Agápe-leaners can treat Philia as stiff and unenlightened, both treating the other as if they don’t qualify as “love” at all! But as the precise endurance of Philia’s cold steel finds balance in the exciting bubbly color of Agápe’s rush, it can be given a new kind of hope and meaning in its everlasting dedication. And as the eye-popping rainbow of Agápe’s thrill finds balance in the steady sturdiness of Philia’s consistency and patience, it can be given the ability to stay the course of its highest purposes.

Likewise, proponents of Storge can treat Éros as a danger to everything safe and secure, and fans of Éros can treat Storge as boring and cowardly. But as the quiet content of Storge finds balance in Éros’s smirking spark of contrast, it can find its members *more* able to be comfortably themselves. And as Éros’s prodding flames find balance within Storge’s soothing calm of still waters, it can know exactly where to push and pull while keeping its members safe from fear of being consumed.

And in this same way, the S/N Loves can learn from the other, and the T/F Loves can learn from each other as well, and we can often lean too far to one side or the other for feelings of security.

Types of Love and Type Angsts

As I looked at the effects of leaning toward one Type of Love to the minimizing of the others, I realized that each extreme brought with it the Type Angst of its native corner! Because Type Angsts are weaknesses that come from trying to gain each type’s strength, and it’s much easier to gain another type’s weaknesses than its strengths, without proper balance in all four Types of Love, any type will gain the Angst of the type they’re becoming like.

Too much Agápe, at the expense of the other Types of Love, results in ENFP’s Type Angst, McFly Conviction, which is the fear that your feelings are worthless, invalid and stupid. So overly Agápe relationships are rife with the fear that the relationship may be invalid, immature, worthless, or exaggerated.

When McFly Conviction gets out of hand, a common way to cope is by attempting to prove the validity of one’s own emotions and self-worth, sometimes even to the belittling of others’ emotions and self-hood. Following the same pattern, when Agápe relationships go too far to prove themselves valid, they can find the need to imply that their relationship is *more* meaningful, *more* powerful, lasting, beautiful, archetypal, enlightened… etc. etc., than others’ relationships. Unhealthy Agápe relationships can often be found with an inability to shut up about how noble, sweet, adorable and fairy tale-worthy their relationship, or the members within it, are compared to others.

But it’s important to note that this comes from the insecurity of fearing that the relationship *isn’t* meaningful, worthy, lasting or enlightened, that all the powerful Agápe feelings are for naught. But as Agápe gets tempered with all three of the other Loves, it is able to overcome the fear of insubstantiality, and stop feeling the need to prove.

When there’s too much Éros, at the expense of the other Types of Love, it results in ENTJ’s Type Angst, The Great and Powerful Trixie Tantrum, which is, at its core, a fear of not being listened to or having your will truly heard, which usually leads to feeling like you have to push and assert if you want to get your way. In the same way, overly Éros relationships end up making one, or usually both members feel like if they don’t get pushy about their own desires and the direction they want things to go, they won’t be heard by the other.

It makes sense that, as the heart of Éros is the wills of its members–the exciting rush of each person being individual–when relationships grow overly Éros, one’s own will often feels in jeopardy, as members of a relationship, be it couples, family members or friends, want different things, pulling in different directions.

When Great and Powerful Trixie Tantrum gets out of hand, those who experience it often cope by growing louder, pushier, and even refusing to let others get their way at all, insisting that if others don’t compromise all the way, then they’re not compromising at all. Controlling other wills, instead of letting them spark freely, feels much safer to runaway Trixie, and likewise when the members of overly Éros relationships feel unheard, it can be tempting to find the other person’s will scary and out of your own control. But again, Éros’s exciting fire comes from enjoying differences and contrasts in will, even differences in desires.

As Éros is strengthened by the other Types of Love, it’s able to find its love deepened in richness and happiness, actually far more benefitted by others’ wills being fulfilled, for each member of the relationship to be strong independently, which leads to having a stronger relationship together.

Too much Philia, at the expense of other Types of Love, results in ISTJ’s Type Angst, Thranduil Denial, which is the fear that you’ll never have a place in the world that’s truly your own, where you belong, that you’ll never find a place that will last, where you are the puzzle piece meant for your one and only spot. And with Philia’s focus on the roles that a relationship provides its members, overly Philia relationships end up full of the fear that if the relationship were to be lost, the opportunity to have that role in the world would be lost forever.

It’s an excellent side of Philia, treating relationships like a precious metal that you only get one of, but Thranduil Denial can lead to anxious, panic-filled relationships that keep their members from branching out, growing, and really living life, for fear of losing the only place they ever felt that enduring wantedness. It can also keep people in toxic relationships where they really shouldn’t be, for fear of never being able to interact with the world in that same role again.

But as Philia is cushioned with the other three Types of Love, it’s soothed with the adaptability of the others, given the power to find hope of new beginnings, new friendships and find places anew to feel wanted, treasured, and given a place to apply its forever dedication.

Too much Storge, at the expense of the other Types of Love, results in ISFP’s Type Angst, Banner Trepidation, which is the fear that the world is too big, scary and dangerous, to be able to have any hope of keeping the precious things you care about from breaking. Relationships with too much Storge feel “exposed, like a nerve” to the world outside, so determined to be safe that nothing feels safe enough.

Banner Trepidation run wild leads to excessive clinging, and building forts around the things you love, to the point of smothering them, and even breaking them yourself in a self-fulfilling prophecy. Likewise, as Storge runs amok, people end up building bomb shelters for their relationships, afraid that any exposure to the outside world will hurt the relationship or the people in it. Whether it’s outside dangers, outside relationships, or outside influences, it can feel like anything has the power to come break the things most important.

But as Storge is bolstered by the other three Types of Love, it can be shown that true love isn’t fragile, and can withstand all the elements, given the perspective it needs to be the refuge it can be for all involved.

I found it quite remarkable how much each overcompensation ends up in that corner’s Angst. In fact, I believe a reliable way to identify if you’re starting to lean too much toward one Type of Love, is to look at each relationship individually and ask yourself if you feel any of the following fears about that relationship:

“I fear I have to prove this relationship, or the members of it, are as valid and meaningful as others’, or else feel like they’re being minimized and invalidated as mattering at all.” — If yes, then too much Agápe in that relationship, at the expense of other Types of Love
“I fear that I have to push to have my will heard and my desires met, I feel like what I want is just too far outside what they want.” — If yes, then too much Éros in that relationship, at the expense of other Types of Love
“I fear that if I lost this relationship, I would lose the role it gives me in the world; be it spouse, romance, friend, sibling, parent, child; if I lose this relationship, I’ll never be able to interact that same way in the world again.” — If yes, then too much Philia in that relationship, at the expense of other Types of Love
“I fear that I can’t keep the members of this relationship safe, so I feel like I need to protect this relationship from outside influences, be it physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, cultural, etc.; I have to keep them safe or things will get broken.” — If yes, then too much Storge in that relationship, at the expense of other Types of Love

I hope that gives a useful guide to seeing if you’re leaning too far in one direction or another with any of your relationships. For example, I feel pretty balanced in my marriage now, but I can look back at when we were first going out, and can see that we initially leaned too far into Philia (surprisingly), and needed more of the “sweep you away” kinds of love, and actually that’s something we’ve continued to work on over the years. We’re a good “through rain and snow, hell and highwater” couple, but we’ve struggled on and off with the other three.

And looking back, I was in fact afraid when we were in that early stage, that if I lost Justin I’d never have the opportunity to interact with the world the way I did with him. Which, while that was somewhat true, was a fear borne out of not having the other Types of Love to give me other reasons to be there. You don’t want the role a relationship gives you to be the only reason you stay. Which is the exact reason why Justin and I broke up for a while, while we were dating. Long story, whole big thing.

We grow within relationships, and the same relationship will require different balancing at different times, but also different relationships within our lives will need different things. I have some relationships that provide me with a lot of Storge, some that provide me with more Agápe, etc., but ideally I want to always be finding more balance within each of them.

Okay, and finally, what are the natural, home-base approaches to love for the 16 cognitive types? Let us look at our handy-dandy graph and find out!

We have our four Objectives, called by the attitude nouns we acquired from our Four Types of Love, above, and then we combine them with our four Scopes, called by the approach that Scope takes to love, which is an adjective. So we end up with a Type-of-Love-Noun from our Objective and an Adjective describing how we approach that love from our Scope, and the two make for, I think, adept descriptions for how each cognition approaches love, typically. That description made it sound way more complicated than it really is. Roll the film, er graph…

Home base of love for all the cognitive types | ENFJ ENFP ENTJ ENTP ESFJ ESFP ESTJ ESTP INFJ INFP INTJ INTP ISFJ ISFP ISTJ ISTP

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NT = Passion	EJ = Fervent
NF = Meaning	EP = Earnest
ST = Dedication	IJ = Enduring
SF = Safety	IP = Steady

Now if you’d like more depth on these approaches, I’d be happy to do more posts on this topic in the future (I think this post is already long enough, don’t you? ). But for now, the short version is that, besides the corners, each type tends to approach love by prioritizing a combination of the two Types of Love that form its Objective + Scope, with the corners getting a double helping of their Type of Love (thus corners ).

{Subtype, which we talk about on Phase 2, follows this same pattern, fyi, with (ep) matching with Agápe ToL, etc. If the Phase 2-sers want a specific ToL and subtype post, I can do that… but it pretty much just follows the same pattern lol.}

These patterns seem to be each type’s “home base” approach to love, which comes naturally and healthily to them, and it’s okay if you find yourself an especially big fan of your native ToLs. But again, any type can grow unbalanced in any of the Types of Love, based on life experience, both nurture and environment, and personal choices. Just like the Four Types of Information, we all need all Four Types of Love, and sometimes we might need to get help and perspective from the people in our lives who we find excel in the areas where we struggle. Find people who have relationships that you feel exemplify good Storge, Philia, Éros, and/or Agápe, and learn from how they make it work in their relationship!

We can even learn from powerful fictional relationships! See what you can glean from Merida and Queen Elinor learning to balance Merida’s Éros wild will and Elinor’s dedicated Philia, in Brave.

Watch how the tug of wills and meaningful excitement that Rapunzel finds through Flynn in Tangled, as they start with Éros and grow into Agápe, are able to free and heal her from the twisted, guilting Philia, and clingy, overprotective Storge that Mother Gothel raised her with.

Enjoy the tenderness of enduring Philia and Storge in the montage at the beginning of Up, but learn with Carl that losing the one you love doesn’t mean you have to lose your place in the world, and that Agápe’s out there!

Watch the transition as Lightning McQueen in Cars realizes that life and love aren’t more satisfying if you constantly pursue Éros’ flashy newness, and that a feeling of Storge belonging, and choosing Philia by realizing who your real friends are, gives you a place in the world that you wouldn’t exchange for any stupid cup.

(And now I’m going off analyzing in my head how Anna, in Frozen, started out with bad Agápe, fueled by desperation and loneliness, and how Elsa was pushed by guilt to consider only Storge and Philia to be safe kinds of love, when really she needed to embrace her own NT Éros will, and love herself, and that in the end it’s Anna’s ability to combine all four Types of Love for her sister that saves the day… *ahem* Going off there. I’m done now…. Except to say that the frost trolls’ song about “Fixer Upper” borders on bad Storge, settling and not helping people change, so that’s one of my not-so-favorite parts of the movie. Okay, I’m really done now.)

Apparently all the examples that came to mind were Disney/Pixar CGI films, but I hope that gives you a sampling of how we can use story to teach us about balancing all types of Love, in our own relationships.

(And now Justin is talking about how HAL 9000 in 2001: A Space Odyssey could have used being programmed with more Éros, because his Philia dedication was too powerful.)

Obviously we could have so much more fun with examples, but I hope that giving this foundational overview, defining and exploring sides of the Four Types of Love, will give you enough information to start seeing these patterns around you, especially in your own relationships. It was helpful to me to be able to see all four distinctly different sides of love, and how much, together, they can bring more balance, hope, harmony and excitement to all our relationships. Because maybe it’s true that all you need is love… so long as you have all the different loves, interplaying together.

With our powers combined, it becomes Captain Planet! Er… I mean full love, in balance. (So Heart! Okay, now I’m embarrassed to have linked that video. I swear that show wasn’t nearly so “gah” as a kid… although the Fire guy was always cute. ?)

But anyway, the Four Types of love; since we’re all better together than apart, with our wills strong, our dedication firm, and our peace secure.

Much Love (of all Types),

<3 Calise

The post The Four Types of Love appeared first on A Little Bit of Personality.

Bloopers Video to Celebrate 4 Years of aLBoP!

Calise Sellers — Fri, 14 Apr 2017 23:12:04 +0000

Last week marked four years of A Little Bit of Personality, so to celebrate we decided to share a goofy behind the scenes look at our very first video, made three years ago! The filming process took twelve hours straight, with a lot of sweat, a little bit of tears, and a lot of silly outtakes. Here are our favorites.

Thank you guys for everything you do! aLBoP is made worthwhile by you guys, and we seriously couldn’t ask for better friends than the ones we’ve found through this amazing journey

See the original video here.

Music credits:
Locally Sourced – Jason Farnham
Sunny – Bensound.com
Dance – Bensound.com
Pop Danthology 2012 – Daniel Kim
Funny Song – Bensound.com
Ukelele – Bensound.com
Clap and Yell – Bensound.com

The post Bloopers Video to Celebrate 4 Years of aLBoP! appeared first on A Little Bit of Personality.

Type Heroes: INTJ – The Dragon

Calise Sellers — Fri, 17 Feb 2017 21:23:39 +0000

All the typings and observations in this post are based on definitions and information presented in the aLBoP Guided Tour So if any of it bugs you, please go read that before leaving me a grumpy comment… Or, you know what? Let’s just skip the grumpy comments! Have a nice day! <3

The latest Type Hero, INTJ the Dragon

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INTJ
The Dragon

“I seek the means to fight injustice;
to turn fear against those who prey upon the fearful.”
Bruce Wayne, Batman Begins

The INTJ Dragon is the dynamic facilitator of the world as it might be. Backed by the unyielding efficacy of universal principles and the useful plans of action which proceed from them, the Dragon knows just how to shape large-scale trends with penetrating accuracy. Majestic and surprising, these titans excel at unleashing the world’s untapped potential.

With big, wide eyes for Principles and the use of what could be, young INTJs immediately see a special world, not immediately visible to most; a world of complete, interworking elegance, where anything you imagine *can* be accomplished, the only limit being on how much you know and understand the world and its trends. So, from a very young age, little INTJs will be bursting to know about how things always work, trying to extend the borders of their capacity to do and change.

Complex little things, with a depth of desires and goals that usually extends beyond what their years and size might let on, young INTJs are usually quite varied, and often the same little INTJ will be vastly different depending on their surroundings, with the same INTJ alternating from silly and effusive in a situation where they feel comfortable, to withdrawn and closed down in a situation where they feel like their hidden depths are undesired or unsafe.

With their feelings and motives late in their cognitive process giving ITJs a natural inclination to cloak and protect their feelings, and with very little patience for shallow interactions and associations, it might be hard to tell what’s going on inside a mini INTJ (or a full-sized one). And with INTJ’s Type Specialization of discovering and accomplishing the unused potential of what the world can be, little INTJs can often be accused of not caring about the needs or social desires of others, with extreme examples of young INTJs being called “heartless” or “monsters” for not wearing their vaulted hearts on their sleeves.

In a culture where status-quo is god, where the ability to keep one’s life from changing unexpectedly is lauded as the pinnacle of safety and responsibility, INTJ’s natural desire and ability to bloom change on an epic scale is often deemed immensely frightening… which leads to the ever-present portrayal of INTJs as villains in media (and regurgitated stereotypes >:C ).

When society treats INTJs like villains for a desire to shape and change the world into the beautiful thing they can imagine, a little INTJ can quickly become disheartened as their experiences with individuals (their last and most vulnerable cognitive step) teach them that their desires are too forceful, to ambitious, too idealistic, and too isolated.

For all cognitions, our last steps are our greatest struggle, leading to our Type Angsts. For INTJs, this means that all their frustration and self-disappointment with feeling like their motives aren’t stable and reliable enough, as well as feeling lost about what motivates others, gets interpreted within INTJs as a deep, core fear that everything is their fault.

Used to being able to line up their plans as the natural continuation of Principles, and follow through to make things happen, INTJs naturally end up fearing that if something went wrong on the way to the ideal of what could be, that it could have been avoided had they personally done something different. If only they had been faster, stronger, better, cared more, not trusted individuals so much… been in control of themselves and everything they touched, then things would have just gone right, and safe and like they were supposed to. We call this deeply embedded fear and the ways INTJs cope with it, Anakin Angst.

These fears and interactions give an INTJ three choices.

The first is to react to Anakin Angst by insisting that they truly *can* be in control of everything, that they can make the world they imagine… if they just go around everyone who is getting in their way. Often with resentment of those who do not grasp their vision, these first choice INTJs will be undeniably driven to accomplish the feats they know are within their reach, if they just push the limits a little farther.

But these INTJs are also likely to pull inward, shutting down to people, who just start looking like a liability in the way of what needs to be accomplished. And since other people have wills of their own, this clenching INTJ is likely not to be able to just go around everyone. In the pursuit of their own visions, this INTJ can easily end up stepping on the visions and Type Specializations of others, adopting an attitude, perhaps without even meaning to, that others’ ambitions, desires and wills must be of less use, if they can’t see what needs to be done to achieve the giant end goal. When INTJs consider others’ desires to be subservient to the big picture, they can end up trying to force others’ wills, often even becoming an example of the very thing they wanted to fight in the first place.

But INTJs who insist on pursuing their visions without regard to the people around them will find their destination cold, lifeless and alone, lacking the brightness of other points of view and wills going in their very own directions. A world without perspective from every direction, and every Type of Information and Objective represented, won’t have either the use or meaning it needs, and that’s hardly the smooth-running utopia that an INTJ may picture.

The second option INTJs have, is to defer to those who insist their ambitious hopes for the world are just too drastic, dramatic and long-sighted, and so they temper their own goals to fit the expectations of those around them. Surely, they think, their vision of the future is as dangerous and inconsiderate as it is portrayed. Surely they should let others, with safer intentions, protect individuals from their damaging objectives. And so the INTJ tries to put away the planetarium of their minds in favor of following the path that is already set, or risk the possibility of breaking the world the ones they love, love.

The ironic thing is that these second-option INTJs often end up afraid and withdrawn from the very people they hoped to protect and care for, assured that their intentions are something that they need to keep away from others, or end up hurting them in the process. And in addition, as they grow deflated about others’ opinions of their motives and intents, this INTJ is likely to feel unwanted and close off their secret heart from others.

But an INTJ who has halted the pursuit of the potential they envision will inevitably end up discovering that trying to quarantine their true desires doesn’t actually end up keeping the ones they love from harm. Meanwhile, their ability to make good in the world is tragically minimized as they refuse to stand and live up to their own personal power.

However, the INTJ story need not have a dark ending. Despite what INTJs may fear when the path seems lone to carry out ideals that some would never think to expect, their designs and ambitions are wanted and desired by individuals who love the inspiring might that healthy INTJs bring with them.

If this third INTJ turns to those who can ground them in the meaning and worth of individuals, including themselves, they will be able to gather the strength to reject the negative image that many would give them of their own character. And as INTJs learn to love the person they are, by listening to those who truly see them and know their hidden depths, then their visions are given the perspective of hope. And an INTJ with true hope is completely unstoppable.

Because the world needs those who can wield universal principles like cleansing fire, people who are ready to stand and do the hard things in order to protect those who cannot protect themselves, those who can use sweeping trends like wings to further grand plans; in short, the world needs INTJ Dragons.

The INTJ Dragon is found often and memorably throughout fiction. Whether it’s as the fearless mentor and leader who isn’t afraid to push their protégés to their limits, the child with power and secrets that even they themselves do not understand, the scholar who has more adventure in them than might first meet the eye, or yes, even the villain who is always one step ahead of the heroes—the Dragon is always there with their gears turning.

And in fact, even though I usually reserve an examination of the “Dark side” of each Type Hero for the end, it seems with the Dragon I can’t wait that long. INTJs are so very often cast as villains, to the point that it’s joke worthy, that we really can’t go on longer without addressing the fictional fascination with Dark Dragons.

But I think the major reason that INTJs are so often cast as villains in stories, besides fear of the change that INTJ’s Type Specialization brings, is that they really are pretty bad-A at it. I was nervous to include so many villainous examples in this post, as part of my intent in writing The Dragon is to overcome the stereotypes associated with this wonderful cognition… but the thing is, it’s hard *not* to love Dark Dragons.

In a world that often treats power itself like a villainous trait, our sense of archetype finds it refreshing seeing characters who both have and use the power necessary to take the world by storm, shaping it and changing it, letting nothing stand in their way. How can we not feel a thrill of excitement when these titans come on the screen or page, their thunderous theme music filling us.

But the lie, I believe, that our culture buys into in this case, is that power itself is the treacherous slope that has brought these leviathans down their dark paths. As our true heroic Dragons show us, power used to protect, nourish and empower the individual wills of others, as opposed to subverting them, is something we desperately need more of.

I found it fascinating to realize how often within the same piece of fiction, both the teaching mentor and the villain would be written as INTJ. Dumbledore versus Voldemort, Professor Charles Xavier versus Magneto, Nick Fury versus Loki, Elrond versus Sauron; over and over again, the author gives both the student-protagonists and ourselves the prospect of two potential worlds, given voice by two powerful INTJs who can imagine very different scenarios of how the world could be.

But our mentor INTJ has been to the edge, they’ve seen the slippery slope of power, and realized that the rise and fall of every civilization has one thing in common: its people. A Dragon who has been to the other side of Anakin angst and is ready to lead others to the magnificent world they can imagine, realizes that they’ll never get there without individuals to back them up, fuel their way, and show them that what brings their world color, is the people in it.

Like all IJs, INTJs feel like “if I don’t do it, no one will,” and as the most future-oriented of the most zoomed-out types (NT, IJ), the Dragon is enduring, patient, and calculatingly meticulous, toward the larger end goals they’re trying to achieve. But when not left alone, the Dragon can be an immense friend.

While they might have to go out of their way to show just how much they care, Dragons love people quite deeply, especially those who have shown integrity and a lasting appreciation of the principles they hold the dearest. And though they might not expect to find those who will truly love, respect and see them for who they really are, the Dragon is likely to latch onto such people like the ray of brightest hope they could imagine. Always paradoxically both complicated and straightforward, with a deep-seated seriousness, and yet with a childlike understanding of people, the Dragon is likely to catch you off guard with unexpected humor that’s remarkably true and yet not what others would be thinking about.

Dragon or Dark Dragon, INTJs are sure to be able to take the world by storm, but with people who can anchor them in hope and perspective, nothing can get in the way of a healthy Dragon on their way to make the world better.

Examples:
Male: Sherlock, BBC’s Sherlock
Female: Eleven, Stranger Things
Villain: Loki, Thor and The Avengers

Who are the Type Heroes? Read the intro here, and stay tuned to meet them all!

Want more information on INTJ, the Dragon? Read their Cognitive Orientation Guidebook here.

Author’s note – 2/17/17: This post is the 9th in the Type Heroes series, but the first in several years. Part of the reason it took me so long to come back to this series, even though it is by far the most requested, is because I’ve learned so much in the nearly four years of creating aLBoP (and I learn new things all the time) and I want to do justice to all the beautiful complexity that I’ve learned about each of the cognitive types over the years! I wish I could just go back immediately and update the previous 8 Type Heroes to the level of detail and nuance that I’ve been able to pour into this one, but that would really clog up my ability to produce new content, especially since 7 types are still desperately waiting for any version of their Type Hero!

But my hope and plan is to finish out the last of the Type Heroes (cue The Last of the Mohicans music in my head) with this degree of balance and depth, and *then* return to update and improve the previous 8 Type Heroes to my new standards, collages included most likely. So if you’re thinking “Hey!! Why does INTJ get the oh-so-special treatment??!?!” it’s just because it’s the first in the New and Improved Type Heroes! Super excited for all to come, and hoping it’ll show everyone all the better that anyone can be a hero. <3

The post Type Heroes: INTJ – The Dragon appeared first on A Little Bit of Personality.

Halloween Chubby Bunny ~ October Patreon Thank You Video

Calise Sellers — Wed, 02 Nov 2016 03:10:00 +0000

Chubby Bunny and expanding marshmallow peeps, in costume! And maybe even some singing…

Uh, pretend this was uploaded on Halloween We filmed it on the 31st, but weren’t able to get it all edited until the 1st Don’t forget to leave your favorite aLBoP quote and a video suggestion in the comments, please!!

The web versions of the COGs (Cognition Orientation Guidebooks) are available here.

Click here to learn more about becoming an aLBoP Patron!

Much love,
<3 Calise and Justin

The post Halloween Chubby Bunny ~ October Patreon Thank You Video appeared first on A Little Bit of Personality.

Elsa and Aladdin Give Each Other Advice – Belated January Thank You Video

Calise Sellers — Wed, 16 Mar 2016 07:42:00 +0000

In typical aLBoP fashion, this video turned out much later, much longer and much sillier than anticipated. The requested video was Queen Elsa from Frozen and Aladdin giving each other advice… and well, you can see the rest.

Click here to learn more about becoming an aLBoP Patron. Click here for more on Anakin Angst. And don’t forget to give us more video suggestions and desktop wallpaper suggestions!!!

Much love,

<3 Calise and Justin

The post Elsa and Aladdin Give Each Other Advice – Belated January Thank You Video appeared first on A Little Bit of Personality.

Q&A Quickie: Letter Combinations

Calise Sellers — Tue, 25 Nov 2014 02:37:00 +0000

Travel back in time to Halloween to hear Vanellope von Schweetz and Mal Reynolds answer the question, “How do personality typing letter combinations work?”

The post Q&A Quickie: Letter Combinations appeared first on A Little Bit of Personality.

Type Heroes: INTP – The Alchemist

Calise Sellers — Sun, 14 Sep 2014 03:48:00 +0000

INTP
The Alchemist

“Don’t pander to me, kid. One tiny crack in the hull and our blood boils in thirteen seconds. Solar flare might crop up, cook us in our seats. And wait’ll you’re sitting pretty with a case of Andorian shingles, see if you’re still so relaxed when your eyeballs are bleeding. Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence.”
Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy, Star Trek (2009)

The INTP Alchemist is the situational rescuer, excelling in understanding the complexity of details and the potential of data; an endless fount of possible ways to make things better. They explore specifics and engineer solutions by finding the plot holes of real life, asking the questions others would never think to ask. And though they tend to pride themselves on their accuracy and use, there lurks within an off-the-wall, childlike quirkiness and a protective love for those whose problems they diligently endeavor to solve.

From childhood, young INTPs are thrilled by possibilities. The ultimate “Idea-Guys”, INTPs get stoked by new ways to do things and new ways to use the world around them. Where their ENTP counterparts approach the whole world with the question, “What can I do with me?,” INTPs are always looking for new and exciting ways to answer the question, “What can I do with this?”

The world for an INTP is aglow with materials that can be learned and explored in their billions of uses. Often finding fascinating ideas in the realms of science fiction or inventions that can reach the height of their imagination when it comes to what possibilities could be, little INTPs can sometimes feel like the world right in front of them little resembles the excitement of the concepts their minds can offer. As others may not appreciate the exciting options a little INTP sees all around them, the INTP may pull in on themselves, preferring to enjoy their cherished ideas on their own, rather than sharing them with others who might not value their merit.

INTPs love depth of knowledge, preferring it over breadth, loving to know everything there is to know about their area of choice. Because their minds automatically prioritize knowing the specific ins-and-outs of what works in potential situations, they love to study and understand *all* there is to know about a given field, so that no imagined situation could come up that their minds couldn’t handle. To an INTP, every situation is different and they need to understand all the possible tools they might need to use, but the world is just too big to know everything about *everything*, so their minds naturally pick the fields they care about most, to learn *everything* about some things. ?

This gives the INTP three choices.

Excelling at examining the specific bullet-points of information and data that make up the world around them, INTPs struggle to see how all those bullet-points add up to make a complete picture of the world and the way it works. The universe can be a scary place to an INTP, feeling like trying to nail down zoomed-out principles always leads in their mind to either oversimplified generalities, or a chaotic world that they can never expect to do the same thing twice. This can lead INTPs to Moriarty Fear, the resentment of the world outside their specialization, fearing that they need to specialize in *all* types of information or be rendered obsolete.

This gives INTPs their first choice; to try and imply that any knowledge or expertise outside their own specialization is useless, unimportant or not really intelligence. INTPs who take this first path feel the need to enforce the cultural stereotype that the only kind of intelligence is being good with specific conceptual data and analysis of situations, so that they don’t feel secondary to those with other specializations.

But the cultural belief and expectation for INTP to be the “smartest” of the types (whether people know the letters or not) is as detrimental to INTPs as it is to all the other types. Each type is the “smartest” in its own Type Specialization and it puts undue pressure on INTPs to expect them to be smart in all areas, when really they desire to focus on the area they love and shouldn’t be expected to be strong in every type’s specialization.

And at the same time, the focus on INTPs being mentally strong, an area that our culture equates with INTP’s fav of specific data, culturally forbids them from trying, experiencing and getting good at other areas they may want to try. My INFJ and I were startled when facial typing showed us that basketball legend Michael Jordan had the facial structure of an INTP, but it was awesome to read his quotes and reexamine his approach to basketball and recognize that INTP is truly the way he cognates. He was revolutionary in the sport because, rather than having natural physical ability, he instead was constantly trying new possibilities and specializing in exploring what made basketball work. Though he was kicked off his sophomore team for being too small, and always talked about how many shots he missed, he applied concepts of what worked in basketball scenarios to revolutionize the game and become a role model for millions of people. INTPs should feel like they have permission to specialize in *anything*, not like they can only be good at certain types of specialization.

And, of course, I shouldn’t have to mention how INTP’s smart being the “only” kind of smart makes other types feel. How underappreciated the cleverness of ESTPs are, or the insightful brilliance of ENFJs. What ISFP brings to IP situations or what ENFPs see in the possibilities of people. Each type, when healthy, is the *smartest* in what it loves. The types are a team, without any one of which, the whole thing topples.

An INTP who makes this first choice will end up in constant fear of being usurped or passed, their denial of the validity of knowledge outside their expertise making them lose perspective, and constant comparison with others spreading them thin so that they can’t even excel in their own chosen area of specialization. This INTP won’t end up feeling like the smartest kid on the block, but in a constant power-struggle that makes them feel of less worth than before.

The second option for an INTP is to accept others belittling their specializations as small, impractical, or unimportant, and for the INTP to believe that maybe the things that mattered to them really weren’t as important as they thought or felt, trying not to bother others with the possibilities and options they see all around them. It’s easy for an INTP to limit their Type Specialization to the data they deal with, rather than the things they can achieve with that knowledge and understanding. The INTP that lets themselves get disparaged about their own importance can get very down on themselves, not realizing just how much they have to offer.

But when an INTP instead gives themselves permission to delve deep into their favorite area of specific information, enjoying exploring the worlds of potential available through the information they love, when they’re willing to stand up and realize how huge the universe is and enjoy the fact that there is still so much to learn, when they’re willing to stand-up for the heroism inherent in fixing things, the INTP becomes a possibility-revealing problem-solver, quick to find a way out of any dilemma, complexly understanding and drawing conclusions about situations to use each moment to its fullest for the help and benefit of everyone around them. This is the INTP Alchemist.

The conceptual version of the ISTP Weapons Specialist, the Alchemist is the expert of possible solutions. Dr. McCoy’s infamous, “D@#$ it, Jim! I’m a Doctor, not a ________!” (engineer, physicist, escalator…) sums up the way INTPs specialize, perfectly. Whether they decide to know everything about forensic anthropology, archeology, the Force, gadgeteering, con-artistry, vampires, or rocks, the Alchemist is fiction’s go-to for conceptual expertise, finding adorable, geeking-out joy in whatever area tickles their fancy. As a Perceiver, the INTP is so much more about enjoying the options than reaching the destination, and it’s almost inevitable for our Alchemists to geek out and show us the joy of information for its own sake.

Though they can hold their own as protagonists—often of idea stories as the sage scientist or librarian thrown into the action, having to use their know-how to maneuver situations with their knowledge of ancient runes or local customs—more often the Alchemist is found as part of a team, where they can bounce off of teammates. With a dry, snarky sense of humor and an often hidden childlike enthusiasm about their treasured ideas, the Alchemist doesn’t find use in fakery and is at the ready to point out flaws in situational conclusions without a lot of sugar-coating. Though this might be a trait the Alchemist themselves may regret, as an audience there is something refreshing about a character who is willing to say it like it is, even to their friends. But what they often lack in tact, the Alchemist makes up for in dedication. No matter the time or tediousness required, when an Alchemist’s team needs their solutions, no one can pull them from their self-driven mission.

By nature, Dark Alchemists are nihilist. Though many INTPs lose perspective about the meaning in the world, as is their weakest area (Principles via Fe), an INTP turns villainous when they are threatened about their struggles to understand the world’s meaning to the point that they want to destroy that meaning for others. Usually intensely scary in their ability to cleverly and adaptively break the world around them, Dark Alchemists always have a principle bone to pick with the protagonist, bent on proving that the universe really works in the dark, meaningless way they try and demonstrate. Whether they don’t want anyone to be special, want to prove that all people are animals, or want to destroy the universe itself, they’ll always be trying to prove, “That’s what people *do!*” or other oversimplified universal principles.

But INTPs need to realize that the questions that to them may seem unanswerable, of universal scale and importance, may come easily to other types whose minds prioritize the workings behind the universe, and INTPs need to remember once again that they don’t need to do it all. To prevent from feeling like the world and life are meaningless, an INTP needs a good infrastructure of friends who respect and value their strengths, while still providing differing strengths to support a healthy Alchemist.

Alchemist or Dark Alchemist, a strong INTP is sure to be brilliantly good at whatever they choose to do, with the ability to see potential openings all around them and find solutions wherever they look.

Examples:
Male: Toby Ziegler, The West Wing
Female: Dr. Jemma Simmons, Agents of Shield
Villain: The Joker, The Dark Knight

Who are the Type Heroes? Read the intro here, and stay tuned to meet them all!

Want more information on INTP, the Alchemist? Read their Cognitive Orientation Guidebook here.

The post Type Heroes: INTP – The Alchemist appeared first on A Little Bit of Personality.

It’s Movie Time on aLBoP!

Calise Sellers — Thu, 20 Mar 2014 23:08:00 +0000

Here’s the A Little Bit of Personality Intro video!! (Go ahead and watch it… you know you want to!) Both for the brand new Start Page, which will help those new lost souls find their way around aLBoP, and so that, if you’re trying to introduce aLBoP to your friends, you can help them easily understand what the crap you’re talking about! *Also* it’s going to serve as an intro to the aLBoP YouTube Channel, which is going to play a big part in the content this year on aLBoP. Starting with…

aLBoP Live Chat Q&A!

We’ve been bombarded with so many excellent questions about personality typing in general, and about aLBoP specifically, that if I try and answer them all with specific emails and comments, I might die. So, as much as I want to (answer all of your questions; not die) there is no way I can answer every email and comment I get. *But* you and your questions are super important, so now you can have all of your most beautiful, probing questions answered live on video by me (Calise) and my INFJ (Justin) in our live Q&A video chat! Personality type questions, blog questions, personal questions, whatever you want to ask! Ask your questions live in chat and watch us answer them on the live stream

Or, if you’d prefer to ask your questions in advance, just email them in to aLittleBitofPersonality(at)gmail(dot) com, with the subject line “aLBoP Q&A” (and tell us if it’s okay to mention your name or a pseudonym) and we’ll answer as many as we can in the live chat! Can’t watch it live? That’s okay; we’ll record it for viewing at your leisure!

This first live chat is Saturday, March 29^th @ 8pm Eastern Daylight Time (GMT-4) and will be about

2 hrs long (we’re chatty, so that’s a definite *ish*). Just go here to stream the video when it’s time

Make us do ridiculous things by supporting aLBoP!

A lot of you have expressed interest in contributing to aLBoP, but don’t really need a Personalized Typing because you already feel comfortable with typing yourself. Well, now you can donate to A Little Bit of Personality through the aLBoP Shop and receive “Thank you!” goodies for giving us your lurve! And if you donate $25 or more, my INFJ and I will go do something goofy or embarrassing of your choice, film it and post the video on the aLBoP YouTube channel for the whole world to see! (Nothing dangerous, illegal, expensive, mean, involving nudity, or similarly inappropriate please :P) This can be anything from eating nasty sushi combinations (from experience banana sushi is vile!), to singing something embarrassing in public, to having my INFJ cross-dress (I’m obviously pushing for this one >:D).

We’re really excited (and maybe a little nervous, putting ourselves in your clutches) to do this, because it’ll be fun and a good way to interact more with you guys, as well as saying thank you for the love and cuddles you’ve given aLBoP Aww!!! Thanks guys!!!

So please subscribe to the aLBoP channel, (and like the video, if you would) so that anytime we release new videos you’ll see them! And we’d love you to tune in to the live chat so that we can answer all your aLBoP Questions and interact with you live!

Thanks for the big <3s and all you guys do to support us here!!

<3 Calise

The post It’s Movie Time on aLBoP! appeared first on A Little Bit of Personality.

Type Heroes: ESFJ – The Cavalry

Calise Sellers — Thu, 28 Nov 2013 17:29:00 +0000

ESFJ
The Cavalry

“No one dressed by me ever looks like an idiot.”
Alice Cullen, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn novel

The ESFJ Cavalry is the paragon of group experience, intent on ensuring that all involved have the best experience, and that they personally get to experience the group. They shine as the bright beacon of action-example, a lighthouse of what to be and do. Open, warm, in-the-moment and upfront, the Cavalry is a perfect blend of party and poise; an ongoing paradox of sensible bounce, colorful pragmatism, and gentle snark. To any group they choose to share their love with, the ESFJ Cavalry brings a fantastic *pop!*

Young ESFJs, centered on their family, teachers, etc. as their “culture” and group, love to be obedient, very happy to experience life with the people they love. Happy to do what makes others happy, an ESFJ may even look EP from the outside; bubbly and happily going-with-the-flow with those they care about. But even young ESFJs are very aware of how their actions affect consequences in the form of what others think of them, and the pull to follow friends, fads and culture comes young for a little ESFJ. So the ESFJ has three choices, the most commonly chosen being a combination of the first two choices (the same is true of most types), since the third choice is in opposition to the other two.

ESFJs love to be and set the example for their group. Though that desire isn’t intrinsically a bad thing, it’s that desire to set the standard of what is the *most normal* that provides all three of their choices.

ESFJs’ first option is to focus on being the *most* normal An ESFJ taking this first path will desire to be *more* normal than others, to the point of finding themselves of more *worth* than others. An ESFJ who gets more intent on having the crowd follow them, than on the people in the crowd, can end up self-centered and entitled, and yet constantly in need of the approval of others. In the end, people following the lead of this first-path ESFJ will be short-lived, either because they’ll end up disliking the ESFJs’ self-centered attitude, or because they’ll want followers of their own and tear the ESFJ down at the first sign of weakness. In either case, this ESFJ will end up without real friends or real meaning in their lives.

ESFJs’ second option is to focus on being the most *normal* (emphasis important). An ESFJ who gets caught up in pleasing their group or culture, be it friends, family or faction, will find it all too easy to start sacrificing who they really are in the name of being liked. Especially in a culture that wants nothing more than looking on the surface at the expense of anything real, an ESFJ can quickly fall into a pattern of trying to look like their culture’s picture of perfect, while neglecting anything real or genuine, encouraging others to do the same.

Both these first options leave the ESFJ feeling fake, shallow and in constant need of approval to feel valid, becoming just an insincere shell who has to suppress their real, magnificent self in order to look like what others want them to be.

But when an ESFJ instead redefines “normal”–when they defy the crappy parts of culture, even defying their friends if need be, stand up and say, “Being real is the new cool!”–an ESFJ becomes a powerful example and influence for good in the world, showing others how to be heroic, meaningful and happy, leading the charge and making life matter, making their own culture instead of following someone else’s. This is the ESFJ Cavalry.

Though their interests may vary, the ESFJ Cavalry, always aware of the desires and needs of others, is often found in fiction as the perfect host or hostess, super-mom, or as an ahead-of-the-crowd trendsetter. They combine the parentalness of the ENFJ Veteran, the force of will of the ESTJ Cannon and the bouncy color of the ESFP Morale Officer into a bright, warm, headstrong package. They’re excellent at bringing together fun, savoir-faire and precision to help everyone have a great experience. With an Extraverted people-awareness to help them understand the needs and desires of others, a Sensor strength of being aware of the moment as they’re in it, an EFJ focus on the meaning behind actions, and a Judger talent for plans to put it all into motion, the ESFJ Cavalry is fantastic at making things memorable, seeing that everyone is taken care of, and that nobody is left out.

With the tendency to bowl ahead and a main weakness in data and conclusions, and yet with an earnest desire to be taken seriously, all EJs have different fears centered around, “No one will listen to me because I’m too ______.” For the ENFJ Veteran (because I failed to mention it in their post), it’s a fear that, “My good intentions and trying to change people’s lives will never matter because I’m too nice, soft, etc.” They inaccurately fear that they’re too weak to effect change… and so they feel like bad choices won’t matter either, so Faramir Dilemma seems to them to be about friends rather than consequences.

Similarly, the ESFJ Cavalry fears that, “I’ll never be truly smart, or anything above mediocre, so normal is the best I can hope for.” They inaccurately fear that there is no reason to try to be anything more than the best at being average, not realizing that they bring special things to the table of heroism, and that they don’t have to think like other types in order to be a unique type of brilliant.

While the Cavalry is great at planning, they tend to prefer the day-to-day and in-the-moment plans as they relate to people, rather than worrying about the world as a whole, like an IJ does. They’re happy to help shepherd their group to wherever they’re going, but they tend to care more about the progress and methods used to meet goals rather than the long-term goals themselves. Whether it’s help looking **fabulous**, following protocol, making spinach puffs or sharing a “cuppa,” a healthy ESFJ is usually there at the ready with their own special way of helping their friends to shine at their best.

An ESFJ turns villainous when they no longer care about how their actions hurt people or when they don’t care that the group or culture they uphold is damaging people right in front of them. The Dark Cavalry can demonstrate as a self-centered d-bag with cronies or fans, or some variation of a Stepford Smiler–be it a creepy housewife variety, an evil celebrity, or a cheerfully humming robot you’d be willing waste your precious shotgun ammo on, even when you’ve been using it on zombie-like aberrations (no, of course I’m not referring to anyone in particular…). All just twisted versions of the Cavalry’s innate strengths of warm sociality.

How can an ESFJ be sure they’re doing it right, being the example of what to do and not what *not* to do? By being real. By not pretending everything is okay when it’s not, by caring about people even when they’re not following the plan, by being genuine, even when things aren’t perfect. That’s how the ESFJ Cavalry can be sure to be the shining star of experience, rather than a hollow shell of vanity.

Cavalry or Dark Cavalry, a strong ESFJ is sure to be a powerful influence in the lives of others, compellingly and charismatically setting the standard of culture.

Examples:
Male: Link Larkin, Hairspray
Female: Rarity, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Villain: Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter

Who are the Type Heroes? Read the intro here, and stay tuned to meet them all!

Want more information on ESFJ, the Cavalry? Read their Cognitive Orientation Guidebook here.

The post Type Heroes: ESFJ – The Cavalry appeared first on A Little Bit of Personality.

Costuming with Personality

Calise Sellers — Tue, 10 Sep 2013 19:34:00 +0000

{Update 5-29-14: I mentioned in the first Q&A that this post had incorrect typings that I needed to fix (though none of the ones that had been questioned thus far). I was really rushed last Semptember to get this post out, so I messed up a handful of typings. Mostly one-offs. Well, I finally went through the arduous task of meticulously combing through *all* the typings in this post I’m relieved to say this post is finally up to the quality standard of the rest of the blog, and I am very proud of the results! Enjoy and happy costuming!
<3 Calise}

It’s that time of year again; the time of year when stores put out Halloween decorations ridiculously early and you know their Christmas decorations are just around the corner. I swear they start marketing this stuff earlier every year. All the same, if you want an attractive and complex costume for Halloween (or wherever else you might wear a costume) you need time to prepare. Too many Halloweens I ended up trying to pick something to wear on the 31st and was bummed out when it didn’t come out as planned or no one knew what I was. While I think it’s worth it to go for the 1% who know what you’re dressed as, you want enough time so that *you* are happy and feel good about yourself.

In that vein, I love the idea of wearing a costume that matches your personality type or Paradoxitype! For Dragoncon this year, I dressed up as a steampunked version of Meg from Disney’s Hercules, with my INFJ dressed as a hydraulically powered Herc. We put the cosplays together last minute and had some armor issues. We didn’t end up getting *any* pictures together, which really bummed me out (though a bunch of strangers have pictures of us, wherever they are ). imho, they looked better in person, but with our little budget, they came out pretty great. Rocket-pack Pegasus is my favorite feature, along with Herc’s working arm pumps that pushed air into tubes every time he moved without limiting his range of motion very much. I’m also insanely proud of my guns, Pain and Panic, which started out as dollar store neon plastic and ended up with a torched steel effect. It’s the little details that make it special, even if other people never see it.

So, in order to aid you in your own costuming adventures of self-discovery and second-degree glue gun burns, I thought I’d provide you with a list of costume possibilities by personality type. These will hopefully span a wide variety of fandoms and complexities so that you may be decked out in possibilities and have the ability to tailor one to your own needs! I am also not above giving personal recommendations if you want to leave me a comment and ask for a suggestion to fit your personal situation and personality, y’know, within reason. Most of all, I advise you to have fun, be yourself and *own it*, whatever you wear. Take it from an ENTP, you look a lot less stupid when you roll with it.

INTJ Costume Ideas

Source

Comic Book Characters:
Batman
Loki, The Avengers
Nick Fury, The Avengers
Charles Xavier, X-Men*
Magneto, X-Men
Phoney Bone, Bone*

Fantasy, Harry Potter and LoTR:
Sauron, Lord of the Rings and The Silmarillion
The Witch King of Angmar, LoTR
Elrond, LoTR
Thorin Oakenshield, The Hobbit
Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter
Lord Voldemort, Harry Potter
Jane of the Volturi, Twilight

Sci-Fi and Space Opera:
Dr. Simon Tam, Firefly
Darth Vader, Star Wars
Anakin Skywalker, Star Wars (especially in The Clone Wars cgi series; actually one of the major problems with the prequels is that Anakin doesn’t act INTJ most of the time… but that’s a topic for another day.)
Captain Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation
GLADoS, Portal

TV Shows:
Sherlock, BBC’s Sherlock
Detective Carlton Lassiter, Psych

Disney and Animated:
King Triton, The Little Mermaid
The Beast, Beauty and the Beast
Jane, Return to Neverland*
Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Princess Azula, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Lin Bei Fong, Avatar: The Legend of Korra*
Maleficent, Sleeping Beauty
Scar, The Lion King
Captain Hook, Peter Pan
Shifu, Kung Fu Panda
Tigress, Kung Fu Panda

Other Iconic Characters:
Indiana Jones
Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice
Elphaba, Wicked
The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera*

ISTJ Costume Ideas

Source

Comic Book Characters:
Agent Hill, The Avengers

Fantasy, Harry Potter and LoTR:
Lady Galadriel, LoTR
Professor Minerva McGonagall, Harry Potter
Rosalie Hale, Twilight

Sci-Fi and Space Opera:
Spock, Star Trek
HAL 9000, 2001: A Space Odyssey (Could be very iconic with a black sheet and a red lightbulb :D)
Zoe Washburne, Firefly
Charles Gunn, Angel

TV Shows:
Monica Geller, Friends

Disney and Animated:
Tiana, The Princess and The Frog
Queen Elinor, Pixar’s Brave
Mother Gothel, Tangled
Zazu, The Lion King
Sebastian the crab, The Little Mermaid
Cogsworth, Beauty and the Beast
Frollo, The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Tenzin, Avatar: The Legend of Korra
Zecora, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Other Iconic Characters:
The Operator, Marble Hornets
Bert, Sesame Street
Sam the Eagle, The Muppets

INFJ Costume Ideas

Source

Comic Book Characters:
Captain America, The Avengers
Spiderman
Ra’s al Ghul, Batman
Thorn, Bone
Susie Derkins, Calvin and Hobbes

Fantasy, Harry Potter and LoTR:
Harry Potter
Frodo, LoTR
Strider/Aragorn, LoTR
Gandalf, LoTR
Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel
Edward Cullen, Twilight
Aro, Twilight
Wesley, The Princess Bride

Sci-Fi and Space Opera:
Luke Skywalker, Star Wars
Emperor Palpatine, Star Wars
Master Yoda, Star Wars
Revan, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
River Tam, Firefly
Inara Serra, Firefly
Peeta Mellark, The Hunger Games
Wanderer/Wanda, The Host
Sonny, iRobot

TV Shows:
Molly Hooper, BBC’s Sherlock
Pam Beesly, The Office

Disney and Animated:
Cinderella
Rapunzel, Tangled
Hercules
Tarzan
Esmeralda, The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Mufasa, The Lion King
Aang, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Prince Zuko, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Hiccup, How to Train Your Dragon
Nemo, Pixar’s Finding Nemo

ISFJ Costume Ideas

Source

Comic Book Characters:
Hawkeye, The Avengers
Jean Grey, X-Men
Jarvis, Iron Man

Fantasy, Harry Potter and LoTR:
Samwise Gamgee, LoTR
Jasper Hale, Twilight
Victoria, Twilight

Sci-Fi and Space Opera:
Jim Raynor, Starcraft
Master Chief, Halo
The Arbiter, Halo
Optimus Prime, Transformers

TV Shows:
Michael Westen, Burn Notice*
Jack Bauer, 24
Burton Guster, Psych
Detective Inspector Lestrade, BBC’s Sherlock

Disney and Animated:
Nala, The Lion King
Jim Hawkins, Treasure Planet
Woody, Toy Story
The Iron Giant
Jack Skellington, Nightmare Before Christmas
Kim Possible
Prince Eric, The Little Mermaid
Prince Phillip, Sleeping Beauty
The Prince, Snow White
Captain Li Shang, Mulan
Goliath, Gargoyles
Shrek
Suki, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Mako, Avatar: The Legend of Korra
Shining Armor, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Other Iconic Characters:
Kermit the Frog, The Muppets
Will Turner, Pirates of the Caribbean
Christine, The Phantom of the Opera

ENTJ Costume Ideas

Source

Comic Book Characters:
Cyclops, X-Men
Rachel Dawes, The Dark Knight Trilogy

Fantasy, Harry Potter and LoTR:
Eowyn, LoTR
Boromir, LoTR
Hermione Granger, Harry Potter
Buffy Summers, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Princess Buttercup, The Princess Bride

Sci-Fi and Space Opera:
Obi Wan Kenobi, Star Wars
Princess Leia Organa, Star Wars
Commander Will Riker, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Bastila Shan, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

TV Shows:
Jessie Spano, Saved By the Bell
Ryan Howard, The Office*

Disney and Animated:
Pocahontas
Tinkerbell, Peter Pan
The Great and Powerful Trixie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Demona, Gargoyles
Katara, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Anastasia
EVE, Wall-E
Chip, Chip ‘n’ Dale Rescue Rangers
Blossom, The Powerpuff Girls*

Other Iconic Characters:
Elizabeth Swann, Pirates of the Caribbean

ESTJ Costume Ideas

Source

Comic Book Characters:
Grandma Ben, Bone

Fantasy, Harry Potter and LoTR:
Eomer, LoTR
Dolores Umbridge, Harry Potter

Sci-Fi and Space Opera:
Lieutenant Commander Worf, Star Trek: The Next Generation
HK-47, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Jubal Early, Firefly*

TV Shows:
Topanga Lawrence, Boy Meets World*
Dwight Schrute, The Office*
Mr. Richard Belding, Saved by the Bell

Disney and Animated:
Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story
Helen Parr/Elastigirl, The incredibles
Edna Mode, The Incredibles
Captain Amelia, Treasure Planet
Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Nani Pelekai, Lilo and Stitch*
Yzma, The Emperor’s New Groove
Maximus the Horse, Tangled

Other Iconic Characters:

Captain Barbossa, Pirates of the Caribbean

ENFJ Costume Ideas

Source

Comic Book Characters:
Storm, X-Men
Pepper Potts, Iron Man
Alfred Pennyworth, The Dark Knight Trilogy
Harvey Dent/Two-Face, The Dark Knight Trilogy*
Hobbes, Calvin and Hobbes

Fantasy, Harry Potter and LoTR:
Legolas, LoTR
Captain Faramir, LoTR
Arwen, LoTR
Carlisle Cullen, Twilight
Remus Lupin, Harry Potter

Sci-Fi and Space Opera:
Martha Jones, Doctor Who
Penny, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog

TV Shows:
Kelly Kapowski, Saved By the Bell (90’s ftw!)

Disney and Animated:
Belle, Beauty and the Beast
Princess Aurora, Sleeping Beauty
Kida Nedakh, Atlantis: The Lost Empire
Miss Bianca, The Rescuers
Wendy Darling, Peter Pan
The Blue Fairy, Pinocchio
Princess Odette, The Swan Princess
Anita Radcliffe, 101 Dalmatians
Quasimodo, The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Rafiki, The Lion King
Mirage, The Incredibles
James P. Sullivan, Monsters Inc.
Uncle Iroh, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Hudson, Gargoyles
Minion, Megamind
Princess Cadance, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Lady Tremaine, the Wicked Stepmother, Cinderella

Other Iconic Characters:
Sister Encarnacion, Nacho Libre

ESFJ Costume Ideas

Source

Fantasy, Harry Potter and LoTR:
Molly Weasley, Harry Potter
Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter
Gilderoy Lockhart, Harry Potter
Nearly-Headless Nick, Harry Potter
Rita Skeeter, Harry Potter*
Lavender Brown, Harry Potter
Cornelius Fudge, Harry Potter*
Alice Cullen, Twilight

Sci-Fi and Space Opera:
C-3PO, Star Wars
343 Guilty Spark, Halo
Effie Trinket, The Hunger Games

TV Shows:
Mrs. Hudson, BBC’s Sherlock
Rachel Green, Friends
Janice, Friends
Lisa Turtle, Saved by the Bell

Disney and Animated:
Princess Jasmine, Aladdin
Mrs. Potts, Beauty and the Beast
Minnie Mouse
Charlotte La Bouff, The Princess and the Frog
Metro Man, Megamind
Flo, Pixar’s Cars
Celia, Pixar’s Monsters Inc.
Bomb Voyage, Pixar’s The Incredibles
Kronk, The Emperor’s New Groove
Jiminy Cricket, Pinocchio
Prince Charming, Shrek
Rarity, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Other Iconic Characters:
Barbie
Miss Piggy, The Muppets
Glinda, Wicked
Link Larkin, Hairspray
Edna Turnblad, Hairspray
Raoul, The Phantom of the Opera

INTP Costume Ideas

Source

Comic Book Characters:
The Joker, The Dark Knight

Fantasy, Harry Potter and LoTR:
Vizzini, The Princess Bride
Arthur Weasley, Harry Potter

Sci-Fi and Space Opera:
Dr. Leonard McCoy, Star Trek
Willow Rosenberg, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

TV Shows:
Jim Moriarty, BBC’s Sherlock
Toby Ziegler, The West Wing
Mozzi, White Collar
Dr. Ross Geller, Friends

Disney and Animated:
Jane Porter, Tarzan
Milo Thatcher, Atlantis: The Lost Empire
Roger Radcliffe, 101 Dalmatians
Maurice, Beauty and the Beast
Marlin, Pixar’s Finding Nemo
Syndrome, The Incredibles
Megavolt, Darkwing Duck
Bernard, The Rescuers
Gadget Hackwrench, Chip ‘n’ Dale Rescue Rangers
Ferb Fletcher, Phineas and Ferb*
John Darling, Peter Pan*

Other Iconic Characters:
Dr. Henry Jones Sr., Indiana Jones
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, The Muppets
Telly Monster, Sesame Street

ISTP Costume Ideas

Source

Comic Book Characters:
Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow, The Avengers
Wolverine, X-Men

Fantasy, Harry Potter and LoTR:
Smeagol/Gollum, LoTR
Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter
Severus Snape, Harry Potter
Bella Swan, Twilight
Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

Sci-Fi and Space Opera:
Katniss Everdeen, The Hunger Games
Shepherd Book, Firefly
The Ninth Doctor, Doctor Who
Asoka Tano, Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Asajj Ventress, Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Sarah Kerrigan, Starcraft
Marvin, the Paranoid Android, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

TV Shows:
Dr. Gregory House, House M.D.

Disney and Animated:
Princess Merida, Pixar’s Brave
Violet Parr, The Incredibles
Shego, Kim Possible
Buttercup, The Powerpuff Girls
Scootaloo, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Astrid, How to Train Your Dragon
Eeyore, Winnie the Pooh
Pascal the Chameleon, Tangled
Mai, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Joon, Avatar: the Last Airbender
Korra, Avatar: The Legend of Korra

Other Iconic Characters:
James Bond
Agent Ethan Hunt, Mission:Impossible

Police Chief John Anderton, Minority Report
Oscar the Grouch, Sesame Street

INFP Costume Ideas

Source

Sci-Fi and Space Opera:
George McFly, Back to the Future*

Fantasy, Harry Potter and LoTR:
Luna Lovegood, Harry Potter
Sybil Trelawney, Harry Potter
Alice, Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland

TV Shows:
Samuel “Screech” Powers, Saved By the Bell

Disney and Animated:
Sally, The Nightmare Before Christmas
Fluttershy, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Wall-E
Lewis, Meet the Robinsons*
Linus van Pelt, Peanuts*

ISFP Costume Ideas
Comic Book Characters:
Bruce Banner/The Hulk, The Avengers

Fantasy, Harry Potter and LoTR:
Treebeard, LoTR
Fezzik, The Princess Bride

Source

Sci-Fi and Space Opera:
Chewbacca, Star Wars
Data, Star Trek: The Next Generation

Disney and Animated:
Princess Ariel, The Little Mermaid
Snow White*
Alice, Disney’s Alice in Wonderland
Pinocchio
Piglet, Winnie the Pooh*
Guido, Pixar’s Cars
Red, Pixar’s Cars
Big Macintosh, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Strong Sad, Homestar Runner*

Other Iconic Characters:
Snuffleupagus, Sesame Street

ENTP Costume Ideas

Source

Comic Book Characters:
Tony Stark/Iron Man, Iron Man and The Avengers
Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes

Fantasy, Harry Potter and LoTR:
Sirius Black, Harry Potter
Fred and George Weasley, Harry Potter
Xander Harris, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Sci-Fi and Space Opera:
Han Solo, Star Wars
R2-D2, Star Wars
Captain Malcolm Reynolds, Firefly (Do the “Pretty floral bonnet” version if you want to make my day )
The Tenth Doctor, Doctor Who
Dr. Emmett Brown, Back to the Future
Billy/Dr. Horrible, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog
Haymitch, The Hunger Games
Cortana, Halo
Q, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Dark Helmet, Space Balls

TV Shows:
Neal Caffrey, White Collar
Shawn Spencer, Psych
Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Chandler Bing, Friends
Jim Halpert, The Office
Sam Axe, Burn Notice
Irene Adler, BBC’s Sherlock
Zack Morris, Saved By the Bell
Shawn Hunter, Boy Meets World

Disney and Animated:
Mulan
Megara, Hercules
Hades, Hercules
Flynn Rider/ Eugene Fitzherbert, Tangled
Simba, The Lion King
Captain Phoebus, The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Ursula, The Little Mermaid
Long John Silver, Treasure Planet
Mike Wazowski, Pixar’s Monsters Inc.
Frozone, Pixar’s The Incredibles
Megamind
Dimitri, Anastasia
Miss Frizzle, The Magic School Bus
Phineas Flynn, Phineas and Ferb
Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Applebloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Dash Parr, Pixar’s The Incredibles*
David Xanatos, Gargoyles
Darkwing Duck/ Drake Mallard
Negaduck, Darkwing Duck
Toph Bei Fong, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Toothless, How to Train Your Dragon*
Lilo Pelekai, Lilo and Stitch*

Other Iconic Characters:
Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Carribean
Chris Knight, Real Genius
Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller‘s Day Off
Alex Hitchens, Hitch
Gonzo the Great, The Muppets

ESTP Costume Ideas

Source

Comic Book Characters:
Thor, Thor and The Avengers

Fantasy, Harry Potter and LoTR:
Gimli, LoTR
Ron Weasley, Harry Potter
Cordelia Chase, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel
Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel
Jacob Black, Twilight

Sci-Fi and Space Opera:
James T. Kirk, Star Trek
Jayne Cobb, Firefly
Badger, Firefly
Captain Hammer, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog
Biff Tannen, Back to the Future
Captain Jack Harkness, Doctor Who (and I’m guessing Torchwood, though I haven’t watched it)
Cato, The Hunger Games

TV Shows:
Fiona Glenanne, Burn Notice
Joey Tribbiani, Friends
Abby Sciuto, NCIS*

Disney and Animated:
Aladdin
Peter Pan
John Smith, Pocahontas
Lightning McQueen, Pixar’s Cars
Mushu, Mulan
Iago, Aladdin
Lumiere, Beauty and the Beast
Gaston, Beauty and the Beast
Timon, The Lion King
Cruella De Vil, 101 Dalmatians
Rainbow Dash, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Strong Bad, Homestar Runner
Bender, Futurama
Bob Parr/Mr. Incredible, Pixar’s The Incredibles
King Fergus, Pixar’s Brave
Princess Fiona, Shrek
Sokka, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Stitch, Lilo and Stitch*
Gosalyn Mallard, Darkwing Duck
Monterey Jack, Chip ‘n’ Dale Rescue Rangers
Tigger, Winnie the Pooh*
Wilbur, The Rescuers Down Under
McLeach, The Rescuers Down Under

Other Iconic Characters:
Animal, The Muppets
Rizzo the Rat, The Muppets
Cookie Monster, Sesame Street*
Marian Ravenwood, Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark

ENFP Costume Ideas

Source

Comic Book Characters:
Agent Phil Coulson, The Avengers
Fone Bone, Bone*

Fantasy, Harry Potter and LoTR:
Bilbo Baggins, The Hobbit and LoTR
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel
Rene, Twilight

Sci-Fi and Space Opera:
Hoban “Wash” Washburne, Firefly
The Eleventh Doctor, Doctor Who
Marty McFly, Back to the Future
Johnny Five, Short Circuit
Wheatley, Portal 2

TV Shows:
John Watson, BBC’s Sherlock
Cory Matthews, Boy Meets World
Michael Scott, The Office

Disney and Animated:
Genie, Aladdin
Flounder, The Little Mermaid
Jessie, Toy Story
Dr. Delbert Doppler, Treasure Planet*
LeFou, Beauty and the Beast
Spike, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Po, Kung Fu Panda
Mickey Mouse
Winnie the Pooh
Prince Charming, Cinderella
Michael Darling, Peter Pan
Tinkerbell, Disney’s Fairies*
Bowler Hat Guy, Meet the Robinsons*
Charlie Brown, Peanuts*

Other Iconic Characters:
Elmo, Sesame Street
Nacho Libre*

ESFP Costume Ideas

Source

Comic Book Characters:
Harley Quinn, Batman
Smiley Bone, Bone

Fantasy, Harry Potter and LoTR:
Peregrin “Pippin” Took, LoTR
Nymphadora Tonks, Harry Potter*
Wormtail, Harry Potter*

Sci-Fi and Space Opera:
Kaylee Frye, Firefly

TV Shows:
Phoebe Buffay, Friends

Disney and Animated:
Prince Naveen, The Princess and The Frog
Dory, Pixar’s Finding Nemo
Crush the Turtle, Pixar’s Finding Nemo
Mater, Pixar’s Cars
Pinkie Pie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Donkey, Shrek
Hal Stewart/Tighten, Megamind
Ron Stoppable, Kim Possible
Scuttle, The Little Mermaid
Smee, Peter Pan
Pumba, The Lion King
Launchpad, Darkwing Duck
The Fairy Godmother, Cinderella*
B.E.N., Treasure Planet
Fender, Robots
Dale, Chip ‘n’ Dale Rescue Rangers
Ty Lee, Avatar: The Last Airbender
King Bumi, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Bolin, Avatar: The Legend of Korra

Other Iconic Characters:
Big Bird, Sesame Street
Fozzie Bear, Sesame Street

*Added later

My personal apologies to the types that are grossly underrepresented in our media, but I wasn’t about to do what most sites do and say characters were the types *I* wanted them to be just for a pinnable infographic or to feel better about myself. I tried desperately to find more examples for the less common fictional types, especially INFP, before posting this, even submitting myself to the agony that was Googling for fictional character typings. It’s an eye-bleeding last resort that didn’t turn up anything anyway because everything I found was not only grossly mistyped, but I could start my own game show and showcase each week, “What Your Mistyping Says About You!” where I could tell you what each person was trying to prove through suggesting the characters were the types they wanted them to be. Unfortunately, there would be far too many to showcase and each one would rip out my soul and stomp on it a bit, so I suggest we move along instead.

Jilted Bride ~ Halloween 2006 ~ My skirt was a white
trash bag, but I think it looked pretty good

INFP, even though you are badly represented, I <3 each of your examples! You can’t *not* love Fluttershy, Luna Lovegood or Waaaaaall-E. Seriously. And you can always go with your Paradoxitype, ENTJ, because they tend to be a Hollywood darling. Not that I really have anything to complain about personally; can’t say I mind that ENTP list.

As you pick what you want to be for Halloween… or a Tuesday… don’t forget your options of changing genres, like going steampunk or modern with a character, or gender-swapping a character. A girl version of Flynn Rider is *so* in my costuming future.

And if that’s not enough options for you, feel free to be a character of a different personality type or something else entirely, like jilted bride or a giant box of french fries. Whatever you choose, strut well my friend. And send me pictures!

Box of French Fries ~ Halloween 2005 ~ Sixteen was probably too old to Trick or Treat, but nobody seemed to mind

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